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смысл жизни

моя подборка из Meaning of Liff by Douglas Adams. книга представляет собой словарь выдуманных слов, обозначающих достаточно существенные понятия, которые почему-то четких названий не имеют.

BANFF - специально для iliin
HARPENDEN - не для colombo
KELLING, SCETHROG, SCOTHROP, SOLENT - для barber


ABERYSTWYTH (n.)

A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for.

ABINGER (n.)

One who washes up everything except the frying pan, the cheese grater and the saucepan which the chocolate sauce has been made in.

AHENNY (adj.)

The way people stand when examining other people's bookshelves.

AINDERBY QUERNHOW (n.)

One who continually bemoans the 'loss' of the word 'gay' to the English language, even though they had never used the word in any context at all until they started complaining that they couldn't use it any more.

AINDERBY STEEPLE (n.)

One who asks you a question with the apparent motive of wanting to hear your answer, but who cuts short your opening sentence by leaning forward and saying 'and I'll tell you why I ask...' and then talking solidly for the next hour.

ALLTAMI (n.)

The ancient art of being able to balance the hot and cold shower taps.

ARDSLIGNISH (adj.)

Adjective which describes the behaviour of Sellotape when you are tired.

BANFF

Pertaining to, or descriptive of, that kind of facial expression which is impossible to achieve except when having a passport photograph taken.

BEAULIEU HILL

The optimum vantage point from which one can view people undressing in the bedroom across the street.

BURSLEDON

The bluebottle one is too tired to get up and start, but not tired enough to sleep through.

CHENIES (pl.n.)

The last few sprigs or tassels of last Christmas's decoration you notice on the ceiling while lying on the sofa on an August afternoon.

CLIXBY (adj.)

Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative.

CRANLEIGH (n.)

A mood of irrational irritation with everyone and everything.

DETCHANT (n.)

(Of the hands or feet.) Prunelike after an overlong bath.

DIBBLE (vb.)

To try to remove a sticky something from one hand with the other, thus causing it to get stuck to the other hand and eventually to anything else you try to remove it with.

DROITWICH (n.)

A street dance. The two partners approach from opposite directions and try politely to get out of each other's way. They step to the left, step to the right, apologise, step to the left again, apologise again, bump into each other and repeat as often as unnecessary.

DULEEK (n.)

Sudden realisation, as you lie in bed waiting for the alarm to go off, that it should have gone off an hour ago.

DUNGENESS (n.)

The uneasy feeling that the plastic handles of the overloaded supermarket carrier bag you are carrying are getting steadily longer.

DUNTISH (adj.)

Mentally incapacitated by severe hangover.

ELY (n.)

The first, tiniest inkling you get that something, somewhere, has gone terribly wrong.

EMSWORTH (n.)

Measure of time and noiselessness defined as the moment between the doors of a lift closing and it beginning to move.

EPSOM (n.)

An entry in a diary (such as a date or a set of initials) or a name and address in your address book, which you haven't the faintest idea what it's doing there.

FIUNARY (n.)

The safe place you put something and then forget where it was.

FRADDAM (n.)

The small awkward-shaped piece of cheese which remains after grating a large regular-shaped piece of cheese and enables you to cut your fingers.

FRATING GREEN (adj.)

The shade of green which is supposed to make you feel comfortable in hospitals, industrious in schools and uneasy in police stations.

FRING (n.)

The noise made by light bulb which has just shone its last.

FROLESWORTH (n.)

Measure. The minimum time it is necessary to spend frowning in deep concentration at each picture in an art gallery in order that everyone else doesn't think you've a complete moron.

FULKING (participial vb.)

Pretending not to be in when the carol-singers come round.

GODALMING (n.)

Wonderful rush of relief on discovering that the ely (q.v.) and the wembley (q.v.) were in fact false alarms.

GREELEY (n.)

Someone who continually annoys you by continually apologising for annoying you.

HAGNABY (n.)

Someone who looked a lot more attractive in the disco than they do in your bed the next morning.

HAMBLEDON (n.)

The sound of a single-engine aircraft flying by, heard whilst lying in a summer field in England, which somehow concentrates the silence and sense of space and timelessness and leaves one with a profound feeling of something or other.

HAPPLE (vb.)

To annoy people by finishing their sentences for them and then telling them what they really meant to say.

HARPENDEN (n.)

The coda to a phone conversion, consisting of about eight exchanges, by which people try gracefully to get off the line.

HASTINGS (pl.n.)

Things said on the spur of the moment to explain to someone who comes into a room unexpectedly precisely what it is you are doing.

HEATON PUNCHARDON (n.)

A violent argument which breaks out in the car on the way home from a party between a couple who have had to be polite to each other in company all evening.

HERSTMONCEUX (n.)

The correct name for the gold medallion worn by someone who is in the habit of wearing their shirt open to the waist.

HUBY (n.)

A half-erection large enough to be a publicly embarrassing bulge in the trousers, not large enough to be of any use to anybody.

HUNA (n.)

The result of coming to the wrong decision.

KALAMI (n.)

The ancient Eastern art of being able to fold road-maps properly.

KELLING (participial vb.)

A person searching for something, who has reached the futile stage of re-looking in all the places they have looked once already, is said to be kelling.

KNOPTOFT (n.)

The mysterious fluff placed in your pockets by dry-cleaning firms.

LLANELLI (adj.)

Descriptive of the waggling movement of a person's hands when shaking water from them or warming up for a piece of workshop theatre.

LONGNIDDRY (n.)

A droplet which persists in running out of your nose.

LOWESTOFT (n.)

(a) The balls of wool which collect on nice new sweaters. (b) The correct name for 'navel fluff'.

LOWTHER (vb.)

(Of a large group of people who have been to the cinema together.) To stand aimlessly about on the pavement and argue about whatever to go and eat either a Chinese meal nearby or an Indian meal at a restaurant which somebody says is very good but isn't certain where it is, or have a drink and think about it, or just go home, or have a Chinese meal nearby - until by the time agreement is reached everything is shut.

MARKET DEEPING (participial vb.)

Stealing one piece of fruit from a street fruit-and- vegetable stall.

MARYTAVY (n.)

A person to whom, under dire injunctions of silence, you tell a secret which you wish to be fare more widely known.

MAVIS ENDERBY (n.)

The almost-completely-forgotten girlfriend from your distant past for whom your wife has a completely irrational jealousy and hatred.

MOFFAT (n. tailoring term)

That part of your coat which is designed to be sat on by the person next of you on the bus.

MOTSPUR (n.)

The fourth wheel of a supermarket trolley which looks identical to the other tree but renders the trolley completely uncontrollable.

MUGEARY (n. medical)

The substance from which the unpleasant little yellow globules in the corners of a sleepy person's eyes are made.

MUNDERFIELD (n.)

A meadow selected, whilst driving past, as being ideal for a picnic which, from a sitting position, turns out to be full of stubble, dust and cowpats, and almost impossible to enjoy yourself in.

NAZEING (participial vb.)

The rather unconvincing noises of pretended interest which an adult has to make when brought a small dull object for admiration by a child.

NOTTAGE (n.)

Nottage is the collective name for things which you find a use for immediately after you've thrown them away. For instance, your greenhouse has been cluttered up for years with a huge piece of cardboard and great fronds of gardening string. You at last decide to clear all this stuff out, and you burn it. Within twenty-four hours you will urgently need to wrap a large parcel, and suddenly remember that luckily in your greenhouse there is some cardb...

NUBBOCK (n.)

The kind of person who has to leave before a party can relax and enjoy itself.

OSBASTON (n.)

A point made for the seventh time to somebody who insists that they know exactly what you mean but clearly hasn't got the faintest idea.

PAPPLE (vb.)

To do what babies do to soup with their spoons.

PLEELEY (adj.)

Descriptive of a drunk person's attempt to be endearing.

POLBATHIC (adj.)

Gifted with ability to manipulate taps using only the feet.

POLPERRO (n.)

A polperro is the ball, or muff, of soggy hair found clinging to bath overflow-holes.

POTT SHRIGLEY (n.)

Dried remains of a week-old casserole, eaten when extremely drunk at two a.m.

RAMSGATE (n.)

All institutional buildings must, by law, contain at least twenty ramsgates. These are doors which open the opposite way to the one you expect.

ROCHESTER (n.)

One who is able to gain occupation of the armrest on both sides of their cinema or aircraft seat.

SCETHROG (n.)

One of those peculiar beards-without-moustaches worn by religious Belgians and American scientists which help them look like trolls.

SCONSER (n.)

A person who looks around then when talking to you, to see if there's anyone more interesting about.

SCOSTHROP (vb.)

To make vague opening or cutting movements with the hands when wandering about looking for a tin opener, scissors, etc. in the hope that this will help in some way.

SCRABBY (n.)

A curious-shaped duster given to you by your mother which on closer inspection turns out to be half an underpant.

SHEPPY (n.)

Measure of distance (equal to approximately seven eighths of a mile), defined as the closest distance at which sheep remain picturesque.

SHOEBURYNESS (abs.n.)

The vague uncomfortable feeling you get when sitting on a seat which is still warm from somebody else's bottom.

SITTINGBOURNE (n.)

One of those conversions where both people are waiting for the other one to shut up so they can get on with their bit.

SOLENT (adj.)

Descriptive of the state of serene self-knowledge reached through drink.

STEBBING (n.)

The erection you cannot conceal because you're not wearing a jacket.

SUTTON and CHEAM (nouns)

Sutton and cheam are the kinds of dirt into which all dirt is divided. 'Sutton' is the dark sort that always gets on to light-coloured things, 'cheam' the light-coloured sort that clings to dark items. Anyone who has ever found Marmite stains on a dress-shirt or seagull goo on a dinner jacket (a) knows all about sutton and cheam, and (b) is going to tome very curious dinner parties.

SWANIBOST (adj.)

Complete shagged out after a hard day having income tax explained to you.

TAMPA (n.)

The sound of a rubber eraser coming to rest after dropping off a desk in a very quiet room.

TEGUCIGALPA (n.)

An embarrassing mistake arising out of confusing the shape of something rather rude with something perfectly ordinary when groping for it in the darkness. A common example of a tegucigalpa is when a woman pulls a packet of Tampax out of her bag and offers them around under the impression that it is a carton of cigarettes.

THEAKSTONE (n.)

Ancient mad tramp who jabbers to himself and swears loudly and obscenely on station platforms and traffic islands.

THRUMSTRER (n.)

The irritating man next to you in a concert who thinks he's (a) the conductor, (b) the brass section.

THRUPP (vb.)

To hold a ruler on one end on a desk and make the other end go bbddbbddbbrrbrrrrddrr.

THURNBY (n.)

A rucked-up edge of carpet or linoleum which everyone says someone will trip over and break a leg unless it gets fixed. After a year or two someone trips over it and breaks a leg.

TINCLETON (n.)

A man who amuses himself in your lavatory by pulling the chain in mid-pee and then seeing if he can finish before the flush does.

TULSA (n.)

A slurp of beer which has accidentally gone down your shirt collar.

TUMBY (n.)

The involuntary abdominal gurgling which fills the silence following someone else's intimate personal revelation.

UTTOXETER (n.)

A small but immensely complex mechanical device which is essentially the 'brain' of a modern coffee vending machine, and which enables the machine to take its own decisions.

WEMBLEY (n.)

The hideous moment of confirmation that the disaster presaged in the ely (q.v.) has actually struck.

WINKLEY (n.)

A lost object which turns up immediately you've gone and bought a replacement for it.

WOKING (participial vb.)

Standing in the kitchen wondering what you came in here for.

WRABNESS (n.)

The feeling after having tried to dry oneself with a damp towel.

YARMOUTH (vb.)

To shout at foreigners in the belief that the louder you speak, the better they'll understand you.

YESNABY (n.)

A 'yes, maybe' which means 'no'.

YORK (vb.)

To shift the position of the shoulder straps on a heavy bag or rucksack in a vain attempt to make it seem lighter. Hence : to laugh falsely and heartily at an unfunny remark. 'Jasmine yorked politely, loathing him to the depths of her being' - Virginia Woolf.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
gustepa
Jan. 20th, 2004 01:01 pm (UTC)
looking back the entries
ну а как же ж! самое!!!
xnrrn
Apr. 17th, 2004 11:47 am (UTC)
Кстати. Не все слова выдуманы: Herstmonceux - замечательный замок на юго-востоке англии. Рядом со старыми королевскими обсерваториями. %)
(Anonymous)
Jul. 26th, 2011 09:35 pm (UTC)
replica Uhren
The matchless theme, very much is pleasant to me
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )